movie night

The bird sawed across the sky like an eagle hunting there pray. Mum can I go to the movies to go see ghost house 2 the haunted house no you cant go to the movie because I said so Jim. but no buts.God mum never lets me ever go to the movies.But what I asked dad for shore he would say yes.Hey dad can I please go to the movies only if you can bring me back some lollies shore I will get some lollies.5 minutes later,Wow that movie was amazing lets go home. were are my lollies Jim.Ono my bad.

4 thoughts on “movie night

  1. Hi Shaylah,

    Well done on your 100 Word Challenge, your writing made me giggle because as a young girl my dad would always let me do the things my mum said no to! I can identify a very well written simile at the beginning of your story. However, next time I suggest that you trying linking your simile into your writing to ensure your story is fluent.

    Keep up the great work!

    Miss Heazlewood 🙂

  2. What a lovely opening to your writing prompt, Shaylah. I liked how it set the scene of two people passing the time perhaps outside on a park bench or walking down a lane. You have a few words that sound the same but the spelling is different like pray would be prey and shore to sure. They are tricky to detect. This is a very typical child/parent exchange with one child playing off each parent. I like the way you shared it with the twist at the end. We will never know if the lollies were accidentally forgotten or there was never that intention. Keeps you thinking about the character. Well done.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *